Close to a decade ago, when I was admitted to the Institute of Mental Health, what kept me going was the memories from Madrasah Aljunied Al-Islamiah, the teachings, and the smiles of my teachers that went by like a motion picture in a state where I was sedated with anti-depressants. It was that point when I surrendered to Him with an understanding that without Him, I am nothing, and with Him, I am enough.
I remembered asking a mentally challenged patient who seemed so calm despite her life struggles, how did she do it? How did she attain contentment? I wanted that peace of mind badly.
Her words still resonate clearly:
That very word awakened me and made the teachings I received from asatizah back in Madrasah Aljunied apparent. Especially on letting God be God. More so, on the story of Nabi Yunus ‘alaihissalam and the zikr he recited when he was in the dark belly of a whale:
“There is no god worthy of worship except You. Glory be to You! I have certainly done wrong."
Surah Al-Anbiya, verse 87
In that moment of realization, I surrender. I yearn to touch the pages of the Qur’an and recite the very words. I long to speak to Him in prayer. I felt unworthy of His love, for He never disappoints, although I have forsaken Him countless. All I wanted to do then was to prostrate to Him & seek His forgiveness. Yet, it was not permissible while in admission because prayer garments and the Qur’an are seen as ‘items’ that may be utilized for self-harm. I cried, longing for the day that I could pray again. My heart aches for the day that I could recite the Qur’an again. These are all the ni’mah I took for granted, never noticing the value until I am put in a situation where these are no longer a given.
Solat itu satu ni’mah. Membaca Qur’an itu juga satu ni’mah. I understand it now. The sweetness of ibadah.
In this moment of epiphany, creating Endometriosis awareness became my calling. It existed from a pact I made to Allah when I fought for sanity in IMH. It was a turning point. And it kept me going.
I knew from the get-go that I must return to Madrasah Aljunied and spread the awareness. The longing was so intense that I even enrolled myself on a course with Pergas just so I could sit in as a student again and be in the same classroom I once was when I was an ilm seeker back in my teens.
Alhamdulillah, although it takes me ten years to materialize this promise, I finally had the conversation with my beloved Teacher Khairiana, principal of Madrasah Aljunied Al-Islamiah, just a few hours ago.
Ten long years and so many hurdles to reach to this day, and it finally falls back in a full circle. Indeed, He is the best planner. Masya Allah. Alhamdulillah.
Ya Rabbi, thank you for letting me come back home to my alma mater, Madrasah Aljunied Al-Islamiah. Finally, materializing the pact, I made to You. Alhamdulillah.
Registration for ‘Endometriosis: Boleh Solat Ke Tidak?’ commences on the 1st of March 2022, in conjunction with Isra’ & Mi’raj. In the meantime, you may read through the terms and conditions as well as the event’s details here:
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Namira Binte Mohamad Marsudi
E for Endometriosis