“The process is muddy.
The process is murky.
The process is dark.
The process is cold.
The process is going to leave you in places where you are going to feel that you have been abandoned, like nobody believes in you, nobody supports you.
When you do not see the light at the end of the tunnel, you got to remember the light that is burning inside of you that nobody is able to put out. There is not a person in this planet that could stop you.
What you do while you are in pain will echo through the ages.”
- Walter Bond, a top accountability speaker and former NBA player -
That is how long it takes to put into place Singapore’s very own Endometriosis Awareness website which was launched on the 6th of March 2021.
Looking back at all those years of running into solid brick walls in paving the way for others to be heard and feel supported has gotten me feeling weepy. It has been a long arduous journey.
I remembered the early days where I would randomly start a conversation on Endometriosis with just anyone I know. With zero knowledge in public outreach, I did it the hard way. I printed flyers, banners and button pins using my own pocket money just to get the words across. I also remembered the hardest point in my life, having left with only $5 in my bank account, released from employment and with back to back medical treatments, I continued rallying awareness. I went out of my way in showing support; paid a visit to fellow warriors who reached out to me; self-taught some skills in digital media & enrolled in courses that would impart me with the knowledge in providing a better listening ear. Be it day or night, in pain or not, I feel strongly in being available for the community.
My first public talk was only attended by 4 people of which two of them were my close friends who made time to support me. So technically I have two unrelated participants from the word of mouth. Around 10 minutes into explaining the diagnosis, one of them stomped out and telling me ‘it’s nonsense’. My heart shuddered, whilst upset, I held back my tears, plastered a huge smile and continued my presentation.
No one could really understand this burning compassion I have in creating awareness. Realistically to them, I am wasting my time with matters that does not provide any form of reciprocal benefits. What I am doing is letting myself burn in it.
Then there are also those who dismissed the values that come from advocating Endometriosis as it challenges the traditional perspective on women’s health. The louder I vocalised the need for us to start valuing a person for who he or she is; the harder it hits me back. Many of us without realizing manifested the societal prejudices which is ingrained in our culture and when that ideology is shaken, it retaliates. This result in a series of defamation from keyboard warriors and even from the people I called my own. I have been labelled with derogatory remarks, shunned, and looked down upon. I do feel betrayed. I could not fathom why bite the hand who feeds you. I did cry about it and after sometimes I realised how dire this situation is. These preconceived ideas must be stopped.
Staying motivated is easy said than done especially having to walk this path alone in most part of this advocacy journey. I believe that inspiration can come from anywhere and the compelling reason that made me still ploughing through are my nieces and nephews. Whenever I look at them it set me back to why this journey matters. It is so they will be able to live in a harmonious world where people are valued for who they are just like how they are graded now as kids. So why not the same ‘grading system’ through adulthood? They are my ‘WHY’ and I love them dearly.
I believe surrounding yourself with the people that never stops wishing you well is a motivating factor to keep winning.
My circle is small but enough. I am blessed for having my two best friends who are like my own family. They have been there for me from the day I received my proper diagnosis to my recent fourth surgery. They stand by me, laugh and cry with me. They can see me pass my flaws. Until now, I still wonder why they think highly of me.
My #endohusband is a gem. He has seen me turning blue, in my worst and in my best. He showed me what a man should be loving a woman who is sickly. While providing me space to stay independent in achieving my goals and ambitions, he remains on his toes in case flare-ups occur. I am grateful for my husband.
Thankfully too my family and in laws have been nothing short but a great support. Through their understanding, I can be myself without masquerading my pain and dietary limitation. I have lived for quite a substantial amount of time hating myself for having infertility issue. But they reminded me that there is more to life than that.
There is beauty in all this pain and when the time comes, I hope I have made the world a better place to live in.
My wish is that #e4endo does not end with me. I am passing the baton virtually. Go ahead, continue the legacy!
“There are 3 types of people in this world:
1. There are people who watch things happen.
2. There are people who wonder what happen.
3. There are people who make things happen.
You got to determine which person you want. You can make a wish, or you can make it happen. “
- Marcus Taylor, CEO and creative director of Unlock Elevation -
Namira Mohamad Marsudi
E for Endometriosis